Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I feel my Savior's Love

So I have been slacking super bad on this blog. I promised myself about a month ago that I would get on here and get caught up since this is our family's journal, but I haven't. I do plan to do that, but this post isn't really about what has been happening in the Fawcett's life.
Today was a hard day for me. The end of September will forever be a hard time for me, but also a time I will try and look for the good things in my life. Luckily the last day of September will always be a high note since it is mine and Ben's anniversary. As most people know, my brother Jonathan passed away last year on September 28th. I have been doing good with not crying or anything this week, but today was hard for some reason. The one year mark is still 5 days away, but my pregnant hormones had my emotions running high today. I woke up not in the best of moods unfortunately. I got Trenton and I breakfast and then Ben woke up and cuddled with Trenton on the couch so I could get the kitchen cleaned up and laundry going. Then came up the topic of what we are going to do for our anniversary. We haven't been able to decide what to do, but long story short, our discussion somehow surfaced feelings that I have had my whole pregnancy, but have not really expressed. I don't know why, but I have been extremely nervous that something is going to happen to our little girl. The only thing I had told Ben was that I had multiple dreams of our baby coming super early. Luckily we are past that stage and if she were to come she would be alright. What I hadn't told him was that I have had a feeling through out my whole pregnancy I have felt like something bad is going to happen. Luckily so far nothing has happened and I am hoping that nothing does. Ben hates when I cry, probably cause I hardly do so he never knows how to react. He at first didn't know why I was crying, then I explained to him what I had been feeling. He reassured me that everything will be fine and that we need to have faith that it will all workout. It helped me feel better, but not completely. Then for some reason 15 minutes later I started thinking about Jon and cried all over again. Now all day I have had to stop myself from breaking down. Then on my and Trenton's walk I remembered this video I shared on Facebook at Easter time, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S3TI4bYerU . If for some reason it doesn't work go to youtube and search for "Because of Him" by the Mormon.org channel. It reminded me that I will be able to see my brother again even though it feels like forever right now. It also made me realize that if something does happen to our baby girl, although I hope and pray that nothing does, we will be able to see her again. She will be waiting for us on the other side with her Uncle Jon, cousin Fenton, and all of our other relatives who have already passed on. I am grateful to have this knowledge. I am grateful for my loving husband who puts up with me and my random mood swings and lets me know that everything will be alright. Most of all I am grateful for our loving Savior who gave his life so that we would be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father and be with our families forever.

P.S. if anyone has any fun, semi cheap, anniversary date ideas please let us know :) cause as of now all we have is dinner and a movie and that is kind of boring.